My Punk Rock Puberty: Learning When To Quit And Avoiding The Sunk Cost Fallacy

Why Is It So Hard To Quit?

“Winner never quit and quitters never win…” That’s the pre-internet, gym-class meme humans have been slapping each other around with for generations.

And there’s truth in it. Perseverance in the face of uncertainty can be what separates the haves from the have nots, the winners from the losers. But if you want to create a life of meaningful accomplishment, then knowing when to quit — and having the courage to do so — is one of the most important skills you can develop.

Then why does it make us sick to our stomachs when we have to do it?

Besides the Never-Quit anthem we’ve pledged allegiance to, there’s another factor at play, spinning yarns in our psychology. It can be a useful checker when we’re aware of it. But when left unchecked, it can be immediately and insidiously dangerous.

Sunk Cost Fallacy: Human Hack or Human Trap?

The Sunk Cost Fallacy is the idea that a business or organization is more likely to continue with a project or direction even when the results are bad, simply because they’ve already invested money, time, and effort into it.

Think of the person who’s stayed at the wrong job or bad relationship when they shouldn’t. You know who they are. Think of someone who’s doubled down on a tragic mistake because they couldn’t accept that they spent all their time and money on a failure.

We see the sunk cost fallacy at play in other people and in books and movies. Thank goodness we’re not like that, right?

Not so fast…

Remember the time you took a date to the movies?

You paid $17 per ticket. Another $20 on popcorn and Sour Patch Kids. You paid $10 for parking, arrived early to get the perfect seats. And then… the movie was a disaster.

You knew within the first hour things weren’t going to get better. There were 90 minutes left. You wondered if your date was enjoying it. You wondered if you were enjoying your date. And to make matters worse, the Sour Patch Kids were long gone.

There was a cafe down the street with a live band. It was half-off tapas in an intimate setting. It was happening then, wasn’t happening later. You needed to leave now. The exit sign glowed green for go, go, go.

And yet, what did you do?

You stuck it out. You let the credits roll. You spent another 90 minutes of Sour Patchless time. Why? Because you already bought the tickets. You already built it up in your mind. You already put on your best date shirt. And now it’s too late.

Congratulations. You sunk into the sunk cost fallacy. You poor schmuck, you.

It’s a minor example but there are hundreds of others. And while it’s true that in certain situations — once you’ve committed to something — it’d downright rude to bail (for all you know your date has terrible taste in movies and is loving this trainwreck), we still fall prey to sunk cost trap in other areas that go unnoticed.

Our ability to get the most out of life is tied to our ability to recognize when it’s time to throw in the towel and move on, sunk costs be damned.

The Danger Of Not Quitting

“Winners quit fast, quit often, and quit without guilt.” -Seth Godin

In America, we use the French word Cul-de-Sac to describe streets that end without connecting to another street. This is because no one wants to live on a street named after the American translation: A Dead-End.

We often think we’re skipping through work, relationships, and endeavors on breezy Cul-de-Sacs when in reality we’re circling dead-ends.

Seth Godin, a Godfather of modern marketing and best selling author, uses this example in his book, The Dip, to point out the danger of sticking with the wrong thing for too long:

“There’s not a lot to say about the Cul-de-Sac except to realize that it exists and to embrace the fact that when you find one, you need to get off it, fast. That’s because a dead end is keeping you from doing something else. The opportunity cost of investing your life in something that’s not going to get better is just too high.”

Quitting might seem risky. Thoughts like, “I need this job, I need this person, I’ve already worked so hard to get this far,” are difficult to overcome. But the riskiest thing we can do as human beings with limited time and energy is to continue on the wrong path.

Circling a dead-end doesn’t just waste time, it prevents us from forging a new path where new possibilities and rewards are waiting.

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How do you know when it’s time to throw in the towel?

2006, Austin, Texas, SXSW. The shows were great, but I was worn down. Worn down by living in a van with other guys with older wants and older needs. I thought of my friends back home, applying to colleges or just hanging around. I thought about how they were getting ready to pick a path rather than continue with one.

We played shows with the bands I’d always looked up to, the bands who were in the posters on my bedroom wall, the bands I used to think, “If I could only reach that level I’d be happy.”

They weren’t happy. They missed their families. They lived in vans too. They toured nine months a year and when they were home they still needed part-time jobs. They still struggled. They hated their bandmates, most bands eventually do.

I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to do it now. I told the band, tried to explain, couldn’t explain because I didn’t even understand it yet myself. I bought a ticket home (ok, I called my parents and they bought me a ticket home.)

I thought I’d regret it. Thought I’d get on the plane, see my hopes and dreams disappear below. I thought I’d kick and scream and tell the pilot I made a mistake, turn around, turn around.

But those feeling never came. And I’ve never regretted leaving that day, not even for a second. 13 years later it remains one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make and I am so grateful I made the right one.

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